1. |
no rhyme end song
01:08
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what can i write about now
when all of my life is just doctors appointments
guess i could sing about how
i barely get out of bed on unemployment
nobody cares what i say
all that they want is a chorus to cry to
not that i care anyway
cus i cannot write even when i try to
and then if i did would anybody even listen?
when did i stop imagining my life as a musician?
i dont remember how i wrote the songs that people like
i dont remember how i ever lived an actual life
cus what is there to say that hasn’t already been said
all my songs are "wah wah look at me im so depressed"
i cannot say the same thing over and over again
i do that at the hospital, i do that in my head
im now fully irrelevant, my songs all sound the same
creatively constipated, sitting in my bed
losing motivation even writing this so hey
this song is gonna end without a rhyme
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2. |
cynically sound
01:05
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sneaking suspicions in the back of my head
heart full of lesions involuntary dread
i got like this much to show for the life i have led
bruises on my elbows and gum in my bed
hair in my eyes so i always look down
not pessimistic just cynically sound
never go out much, but I’ve been around
now im so tired i sleep all the time
if i think too much i want to die
but constant distraction is no way to live a life
every road leads to suicidal ideation
and every day feels like an awful obligation
if i talk too much i wanna lie
but constant downplaying is no way to get by
every road leads to lifelong unemployment
and every day feels like another disappointment
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3. |
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i dont feel like an artist i feel like a fraud
i mean I’ve written a few songs but guess that was all
i could squeeze out i swear i have nothing to say
nothing to draw or to do everyday
when people refer to me like i am someone
i just feel like they’re lying or haven’t caught on
to the fact that whatever i wrote in the past
was just lucky theres nothing left nothing more that
i can write about sing about think about, do
there is no one to write about, not even you
and i know im dramatic, like im singing this song
but lets just be real here , this song really sucks
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4. |
freakazoid
01:06
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freakazoid worrywart
loser loving heavy heart
got sad unhappy oversharing
everything i do is crappy
ugly creature sucking blood
crying drooling dripping snot
future looking black and bleak
just a barren boring street
wired wrongly with no chance
born without a set of hands
broken in but then discarded
now im just left achy hearted
got my hopes up like a clown
just like me u shoot em down
so now im here great disappointment
best in business causing problems
mentally deficient fool
without plans or proper tools
loner living dumb despair
pulling at my damaged hair
growing up is never fun
you get no bang for any buck
groundhog day is every week
stuck inside this hamster wheel
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5. |
wrung-out
01:32
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there is very little left of me
im wrung out like a rag
and like a raggedy doll
i keep flopping down onto my bed
i have less and less to give
and more and more keeps piling up
i have lost a lot of friends
and its beginning to look like its my fault
where do depression stop and i start?
or are we one and the same?
why should i strive for something better
if that part never changes?
every shrink i've seen this past year
has agreed on the same thing
its not just a depression
when I’ve been like this for 8 years
core stock full of sadness, not a smidge of progress
not even a little bit to even out the odds
my neighbours always noisy
helps to drown out thoughts
(unintelligeble)
i want to die i wanna die
i wish i was dead
i dont wanna be alive
i want to die i want to die
i want to die
i dont want to be alive
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6. |
i'll write again
01:21
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ill write again , not out of spite
but out of hope that something might
cross my mind and hope to live
wouldn’t even know it if
i suddenly woke up like them
happy blissful ignorance
they dont even seem to see
the sun dont shine in their tv
but still ill write and write i will
ill take the stupid happy pills
and never sleep a day again
but maybe i can see my friends
instead of staring into space
for six or seven hours straight
and maybe i can dig a well
to throw my wishes into
hell, ill give my all to feel like you
to think that ill be happy too
i used to once, but somethings changed
something grown from years of pain
and if i look within i might
slit my wrists and hope to die
so ill look outwards walk the streets
distract myself with weeks of sleep
ill break the pattern another day
too tired to get better, they
all ask me:how, how can i help?
but i can’t even help myself
im worn out like a pair of shoes
i've been around Iive paid my dues
i’ve seen the tunnel and no shit
there is no light at the end, just more of this
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7. |
the great big plan
00:50
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lord knows i’ve put the work in done my time
didn’t speed to the finish line
did my job the way it was intended
and when the blue print of my life was trash
childhood full of broken glass
i think i did my best with what i’ve gotten
and i am not ungrateful even though
my fate has been just endless blows
to a self esteem thats already non-existent
and if i rot away cus i can’t get well
it doesn’t matter, god im swell
this was your great big plan for me, remember?
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8. |
loser
02:22
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neuroscience so i can understand my brain
constant lying to subtly downplay the pain
of being non-existent and see through like a slug
of being so convincing that no one really knows whats up
i was born a loser and i was a loser growing up
I always say the wrong thing i always hate the things i want
i always cause commotion and if you put me on the job
i am almost useless i am almost always wrong
seeing patterns in sporadic random acts
doesn’t matter no one cares and no one asked
im a bit reclusive i just clam up on the spot
introducing: what you see is what you got
i was born a loser and im still a loser now
i am lost in childhood i can’t mourn it and grow up
i always speak in twisters or i tend to make you laugh
but im not that funny its just how most people react
if im playing wack-a-mole with god am i the hammer or the beast?
is god just pest control how he is constantly tryna get rid of me
someones gotta know, I’ve done so many tests for nothing
at this point someone has got to have the answer in their pocket
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9. |
worst of the worstest
02:10
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staying up until 4 in the morning
breaking my skull on my bed slash coffin
biting my nails till they grow out crooked
tried to stop once but i just couldn’t
skin picking is my favourite past time
eating my body till theres nothing left i
did everything wrong and tried to correct it
that in itself is the worst thing i did i am
playing guitar and expecting a sign that
instead of a corpse i am really alive cus i
feel like im dead everyday of the week
chewing tobacco till im numb in the cheeks
i am doing my best but at best its mediocre
every card that i draw is a joker
either way this is not what i payed for
all of this pain just to turn out a loser?
can’t i at least win a couple of matches?
ill never heal if i always need patches
all of my skin is just scratches on scratches
every surface is bandaids and bandages
pouring bleach onto every surface
every infection is making me nervous
it seems like I’ve lost every sense of purpose
and i keep expecting the worst of the worst
breaking the habit is not worth the trouble
i would bottle it up but i dont have a bottle
instead i sleep and im breaking a record
napping until my eyesight is checkered
im sorry im dirty i am covered in sewage
hit rock bottom again which is kinda routine now
been crawling around down there looking for my brain
a light at the end of these shit covered drains
i finally did, i killed myself
but i promise, i promise it was in self defense
the me thats deciding where my life is going
is tryna sabotage me, i swear i just know it
i suck at surviving, my life is a mess now
who let me steer the wheel, who can i blame for how
everything has just fallen apart who
in the world thought that that was a smart move
can’t i at least win a couple of matches?
ill never heal if i always need patches
all of my skin is just scratches on scratches
every surface is bandaids and bandages
pouring bleach onto every surface
every infection is making me nervous
it seems like I’ve lost every sense of purpose
and i keep expecting the worst of the worstestestestest
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10. |
sad for too long
01:03
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i’ve been sad for so long
i’ve been sad for too long to keep fighting
keep holding on
keep holding on to silver lightning
breaking habits
is hard when i dont really wanna
easier to
stay in my room and do jack shit
watching tv
shows about angels and demons
doing crosswords
sleeping heavy without dreaming
same depression
i’ve been in since i was a child
i can’t forgive it
all this time I’ve wasted crying
god is but a puppetmaster
boobytrapping cus he can
im stuck inside this empty barren
god forsaken nara dreamland
nothing gives me pleasure
just like nothing really hurts
its just an empty void of static
just a road of unwalked dirt
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blood girl Denmark
hi i'm Blood girl i am 24 years old and i sing about sadness because i am sad.
Thanks for listening to my little diary
soundcloud.com/iambloodgirl
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